Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize