I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
