oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
