so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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