dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Houston, we have a blender
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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