and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
