Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
