I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
