I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
