You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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