i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize