gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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