All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
