That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
