New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
