How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
