just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
