yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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