You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
