can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
