I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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