So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
