Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
