I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
