Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
