By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
