ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
