if you like me you must not know who I am
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
