I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
