so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
