just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
