Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
