So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
