stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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