May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
