Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Shame - the story of my life.
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