Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize