He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
