WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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