Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She bit a glass in half.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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