Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
