Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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