worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
