I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
