I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
