I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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