i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The air was thick with penises
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
