SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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