**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
