I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
