I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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