3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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