What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
