I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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