Your face is a jimmy john
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
