I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
