are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
