I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
