I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
