idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
