We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
