he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize