Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Even my vagina gasped.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
