I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
