So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
