Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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