I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
