last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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