so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
