Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
