Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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