A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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