Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
