I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
