dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh god it's open bar.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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