YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
