the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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