I think my vagina is haunted
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
