so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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