What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
