I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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