my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
