ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
