just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
