I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize