also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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