hotel room ftw
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
