Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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