there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
