Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
