Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
