I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
