There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
