I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
