I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
