have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize