It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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