I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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