I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am available for nakedness
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
