Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Every concussion has its silver lining
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
