Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
